Premarital Coaching
Having a happy marriage is one of life’s most amazing things. On average, people spend at least 18 months planning for the perfect wedding, but unfortunately less time on preparing for their marriage. This is really scary.
With the alarming divorce rates constantly skyrocketing, it is unwise not to plan for the days after the wedding. The best time to actually work on your marriage is before it actually begins. Premarital Coaching is essential for helping couples to build a solid foundation in marriage.
From defining marriage expectations to determining whether you and your partner are both on the same page about having children, no question is off-limits. Think of it this way: The more you know about your significant other, the healthier your future marriage will be.
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8 Issues You Can Expect to Discuss in Premarital Coaching
01
You'll define your marriage expectations and role beliefs.
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You may have one idea of what marriage looks like and what it means to be a partner, and yet be blissfully unaware that your soon-to-be spouse feels very differently. In marriage coaching, you'll uncover what you each believe and have experienced about marriage.You'll talk about what each person expects the other to do and be, as well as how each of you sees the structure of the marriage.
02
You'll analyse how your past affects your future.
To some degree, we're all products of our environment and experiences. Premarital coaching will ask you to dig deep and revisit previous impressions you've formed about marriage. It is important to talk through your backgrounds because of transference, which is a term that means we transfer qualities and re-create dynamics from old relationships into new ones, and this is usually unconscious.Talking about them allows people to make more conscious, healthy choices, and relate in healthier ways.
03
You'll come up with a plan for resolving conflicts.
If a couple cannot freely discuss any subject, no matter how personal or difficult, the marriage is going to be a struggle. In marriage coaching, you'll work with me to foster communication and conflict resolution skills you can carry with you long into your relationship. Good communication skills aren't enough to keep a marriage healthy, but without them, the chance of success in any other area is diminished.
04
You'll discuss religious incompatibility
“Make a good choice of who will bear your children. Marry those who are compatible with you.”
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)(reported by Ibn Majah, Al-Bayhaqi)
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Problems in this realm may occur because the husband is Muslim and the wife is not and does not support an Islamic family life or vice versa.
It may also mean that the husband and wife are Muslim but one is more observant in the practice of the faith while the other may be described as Muslim but not religious.
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The husband may not want the wife to wear Hijab despite her desire to do so. When a disagreement arises, one spouse wants to refer to Quran and Sunnah for the answer while the other ignores these primary sources of guidance to the preference of cultural traditions as the basis for decision-making.
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It is essential that Muslims determine the importance of Islam in their lives prior to marriage. Each individual's level of religiosity will affect decision making, problem solving, daily practices and fulfillment of religious obligations.
05
You'll get real about money
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We all know that money has a way of ruining marriages. So to prevent future financial fights, you'll lay out all your money thoughts in premarital coaching. It is a very personal topic, and each partner is going to have a different relationship to money, there should be no secrets or shame around money in a healthy marriage. Getting clear on each one's money story, past and present financial history, and common future goals and intentions can help a couple avoid this common relationship pitfall.
06
You'll speak about sex.
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Like money, intimacy is highly personal, and most couples run into intimacy issues at some point in the marriage. So while it might be uncomfortable to discuss your sex life in front of a total stranger, helping understand the general physiological and emotional gender differences, as well as the ones specific to [you], opens the door to be able to develop a healthy physical relationship.
07
You'll talk about talking.
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Open and direct communication are key ingredients in any union, especially if you and your partner have different ways of communicating. Premarital coaching will be advantageous in helping you discover your styles and how they could affect your marriage. If your partner is comfortable with healthy and appropriately expressed anger, but anger is a four-letter word for you, then communication will likely become an issue.
08
You'll discuss your feelings on children.
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You may not believe it but amazingly, many couples never really talk about having children. Not only could you uncover a potential deal breaker in pre marital coaching, it's also important to talk about how many [children you want], parenting styles, extended family involvement, and more.Helping couples understand and define the issues leaves them, and their marriage, better prepared.